I've been reading (and hearing) about so many death news lately, most of them are not related to me, total strangers, including the Syrian children - of which I don't have the heart to watch, or read about them anymore. Not that I don't care, but I cared too much that I hate myself for not being able to do anything for them but sending my doa across. Those sweet faces of small children are already etched in my heart.
Then there's this guy blogger who writes about how beautiful, strong and brave his wife who was battling with Stage 4 cancer - they got married last year, and of all days, Allah has decided to take his wife's life on their first anniversary. Its really heartbreaking reading how they endured the big C journey together, having to travel between KL and London back and forth, and finally back in KL just 2 months before the wife took her last breath.
Obviously I don't know this lovely couple, but I felt like I have known them close enough that I was really moved when I know about the passing of the wife. Thanks to his sweet husband for always writing and sharing all the good things about their journey together, their ups and downs, and without them or he knowing, he taught us so much about life. And reading the wife's entries has somehow reminded me that Allah is near, and we dont need to depend on anyone but Him. How odd (yet beautiful) it is to be reminded by a total stranger, who have left so much impact on other people through writings.
Of all skills, I wish I was a better writer. I am not good in writings, nor a good reader. I don't really know how to express my feelings, some may see me as a narcissist, but deep inside, I am not, I am just not good with my expressions. I wish I could pour out and inspire people through my writings, if not everyone, perhaps at least my kids would be proud having me as their mom. But looking at how I treat them now, I am far from reaching to that stage. I am not a good mom, nor a good wife. I lack here, there and everywhere. But it's never to late to improve. And don't we wish our life today is better than yesterday? That's why we call today as "present" and yesterday as history :)
Its beautifully weird isn't it, crying over a death of someone you don't know, coz you wish when you die, you'd leave an impact to everyone else too. The question now is, how? And is it possible? Would people still pray for you when you're gone? Would people still leave a message on your socmed profile telling you they miss you when you are no longer around? I don't know if the life I am living now would make everyone miss having me around, but I really hope my family will.
We don't have much time, and we don't know how much time left we have. I vouch to live a life and leaving this life with an impact. How about you?